There are moments at the gym when I'm not wearing my trusty iPod. When I undress in the locker room. When I stretch. And after my workout when I shower, order my protein shake and leave. And in those moments, I am FORCED to listen to the most god-awful torture music that play on the overhead monitors on a constant loop. I'm serious. It's torture. Who chooses these videos? None of them inspire you to workout. Here's the ahem "hit" list.
1. Boys Like Girls- Thunder
Ah! I've heard this fucking song like every day this week. That fake low grumbly tone to that boy band whine "Your eeeeyyyeees was the soundtrack of my summer...". I can't help but hear the producer polish on this song making sure it sounds like every other emo hit out there.
2. Rockstar- Nickelback
Seriously, the dumbest song I've ever heard. Sure, I get the irony. Oh, we just all wanna be big rock stars...but look out! It's not all that it's cracked up to be. Sung by an asshole who IS a rockstar. And he wants a star next to James Dean and Cher? Did he even write this? Gag.
3. Marie Digby- Say it Again
So, THIS is a song for the gym? Really? A little anemic love song about some chick getting all wet because her boyfriend said that he loved her. GAG. I actually watched the bullshit video with the fluffy clouds and crap. Oh, yeah. Listening to this makes me want to bench press ANOTHER SET!
4. Nine Days - Absolutely (Story of a Girl)
Ugh! It's that boy band Emo-whine in full force here. "This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world..." This song is from the 90's or something, right? They play this crap EVERY day. If I was working out with 13 year old girls, this might be okay. But,I work out at the gay porn Golds. Gay men EVERYWHERE. This shit is just inappropriate.
5. New Found Glory- Kiss Me
The official douchebag remake of a song that never needed to be remade. Yuck. As annoying as Spencer Pratt trying to sing.
Okay. Here are some that they actually get RIGHT. I'll stop my bitch fest and give some props to music that actually makes you WANT to work out.
1.Bran Van 3000- Astounded
I haven't heard this song at Gold's in a while BUT I did hear it there FIRST. It's so soulful and perfect it brings serious TEARS to your eyes
2. Basement Jaxx- Romeo
Once again, saw this video at Gold's FIRST. One of my favorite's of all time. Look how perfectly the funk and the Bollywood meld together.
3. Kylie Minogue- Come into my World
Perfection in the gym. You can run for miles on Kylie Energy alone. The video is one of the BEST EVER MADE.
4. Dannii Minogue- You Won't Forget About Me
One good Minogue deserves another. This is a trippy video with a hot house beat. Great for the queens and gym rats alike. Perfection!
5. Chemical Brothers- Galvanize
Another song and video I saw first at Gold's. It really gets your heart rate going. What gym music SHOULD DO. The video kicks ass too!
Okay, maybe it's not ALL bad. But the bad DEFINITELY outweighs the good. I'm keeping my iPod ON.
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